Nikki Glaser Tells Stern the Jokes She Lower From 2025 Golden Globes Set

Many anticipated Nikki Glaser to go full roast-mode on the 2025 Golden Globes, however the comic is getting rave evaluations from critics and viewers alike for her barely tamer opening monologue.

These followers of Glaser’s extra savage jokes shouldn’t worry, nevertheless. Whereas she wasn’t too brutal within the room at The Beverly Hilton in Los Angeles on Sunday, January 5, Glaser didn’t maintain again when delivering the jokes that didn’t make the lower throughout an look on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Present on Monday, January 6.

“The Golden Globes is the one present the place you’ll be able to see the most important stars and films and tv joined along with the identical purpose — getting out of right here tonight earlier than Dax Shepard requested them to do his podcast,” Glaser started from the listing of jokes she referred to as the “Stern file,” which she labored on within the author’s room. “That is the final time all of you’ll be in the identical room collectively till the Diddy trial.”

Stern subsequently stopped Glaser as a result of he couldn’t consider she didn’t make the joke about Diddy.

“We had one other Diddy point out that works higher and led us to extra different jokes,” she replied, referring to her joke included within the broadcast; “Zendaya is right here. Zendaya, you have been unbelievable in Dune [2]. Oh, my God, I wakened for your whole scenes. You have been so good. And Challengers, lady? It was so good. I imply, that film was extra sexually charged than Diddy’s bank card. “Oh, I’m upset too. The afterparty’s not going to be good this 12 months. However, we now have to maneuver on. A Stanley Tucci freak-off simply doesn’t have the identical ring to it. No child oil this 12 months, simply a lot of olive oil.”

Speaking to Stern, Glaser defined why she opted for the model of the joke she instructed on CBS: “However that [cut] one was so enjoyable, and it was so good to be like, ‘I’ll simply inform it to Stern anyway.’ And that one you don’t wish to do, as a result of it’s such as you’re accusing the folks of that room of being concerned in that, they usually would possibly activate you.”

Preserve scrolling for extra wild jokes that Glaser opted to not carry out on the Globes:

A Second for Luigi Mangione

“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought that by the tip of the 12 months, you’d solely be the second hottest hit man in America,” Glaser stated earlier than revealing, “And that one we didn’t do as a result of folks Luigi was a giant deal for some time, after which it sort of pale and took some time for folks to get it.”

Coming for the Catholic Church
“I really like Conclave, and I feel it’s concerning the cardinals selecting a brand new pope. And I feel everybody ought to see it. It was so heartwarming. Actually, it’ll contact you a lot that the church must transfer it to a different theater. Conclave is rated PG, deliver the children. They’ll adore it. The Catholic Church will adore it. Sizzling tip, you don’t want ID to get into the Conclave afterparty,” Glaser stated, noting that she felt “Catholic Church pedophile jokes” are performed out.

A Twist on the Adrian Brody Joke

“Oh, look, it’s two-time Holocaust survivor, Adrian Brody,” Glaser stated in the course of the present, however the authentic quip was extra detailed. “If Adrian Brody might return in time, he would thank child Hitler for his profession.” When Stern requested if he broke her coronary heart that she couldn’t ship that quip, Glaser defined that her assistant didn’t perceive it.

“My assistant is Gen Z, and she or he was like, ‘I don’t get it.’ And we’re like, ‘Effectively, there’s this complete factor the place you possibly can, when you’ve got a time machine, you return and kill Hitler and also you stop the Holocaust.’ And so it’s like, oh, we’re gonna lose an entire demo of those that don’t know. After which I simply stated Hitler for nothing,” she stated.

An ‘Solely Murders’ Jab

“Solely Murders within the Constructing is wonderful. And I feel it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Quick, Meryl Streep, we’re nonetheless at it, placing up among the finest performances of their careers, and it’s so inspiring,” Glaser stated. “And it simply goes to indicate you, you might be by no means too previous to nonetheless want cash. Guys, please don’t combat Jake Paul, please don’t do it. Why are you continue to working so laborious? Did you get caught up in Hawk Tuah lady’s crypto scheme?”

A Self-Deprecating Joke
“Amy Adams is nominated for her efficiency in Evening Bitch, whereas I used to be completely snubbed for my efficiency in ‘Day Slut,’” Glaser, who is understood for poking enjoyable at herself in her units. “The documentary class is hard, although, by the way in which, Evening Bitch is what Diddy hears each night earlier than it lights out.”

A Nicole Kidman Gag

“The Wild Robotic is nominated tonight. And by that, I imply Nicole Kidman after two white wines,” Glaser stated, noting she needs she might’ve instructed that joke however wasn’t certain of Kidman’s response. “If she makes a face, then … [but] I feel she would have been cool with it.”

Again to Ben
Affleck appeared to be on the mind. “[I almost said], like, ‘Am I gonna roast or am I gonna toast? You already know what? I’m not roasting. I’m gonna toast.’ And I simply did all these toasts that have been roasts. Like, ‘Right here’s to Ben Affleck, I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you attempt to wreck subsequent,’” Glaser stated. “And I argued like, ‘Oh, I didn’t say wreck them. I stated he tried to wreck them so it’s not in opposition to them.’ However I used to be like, ‘That may have been insane.’”

A Cocaine Quip
“Denzel Washington is right here. The one factor that has satisfied extra center aged males they may pull off an earring than Denzel Washington is cocaine. Kate Winslet is quite a bit like cocaine. She’s white. She’s all the time with Leonard DiCaprio, and I can’t wait to search out her on the after get together tonight,” Glaser stated.

A Extra Savage Bob Dylan Joke

Glaser shared a distinct model of the Timothee Chalamet/Bob Dylan joke she instructed on the present. “To sound like Bob Dylan, Timothée Chalamet took years of vocal classes as a result of, apparently, that’s how lengthy it takes to study to smoke 40,000 cigarettes. Timothée took classes in guitar, dialect motion and vocals to grow to be Bob Dylan, whereas Bob Dylan turned Bob Dylan the old style method – heroin and autism,” Glaser stated, main Stern to burst into laughter. “Undiagnosed, however come on now, quite a lot of songs about trains.”

‘Depraved’ x ‘Queer’
“Daniel Craig is nominated for his efficiency in Queer, which is a film and never simply what my uncle Chuckie calls Depraved,” she quipped.

She Spared Nic
“Nicolas Cage is right here tonight wanting well-rested after an evening of sleeping in Elvis’s coffin,” Glaser stated, resulting in extra laughs from Stern. “Nicolas Cage is right here, and so is the band of skeletons that follows him taking part in Ragtime jazz.”

A ‘Rust’ Roast

“Please know that I do know this isn’t good,” Glaser started earlier than launching into the joke: “Michael Keaton was so nice in Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice and Alec Baldwin, sadly, didn’t come again to play a ghost as a result of he was too busy making them.” She added that the joke was “too imply” and she or he didn’t wish to “retraumatize” Baldwin.

A Tab Into Politics
“The movie Anora is nominated for 4 awards tonight. It’s been referred to as probably the most unflinching take a look at intercourse work since Matt Gaetz’s cost historical past,” Glaser joked.

A Closing Blow
“Squid Video games is a present the place folks starve themselves whereas ruthlessly competing for the final word prize. Oh, wait, no, sorry that’s this present,” she stated. “I noticed Joker 2 and, you recognize, it jogged my memory of when the primary Joker got here out and I used to be within the theaters and I used to be afraid somebody was going to shoot it up. After which throughout Joker 2, I used to be actually hoping they’d.”